Let’s pretend for just a moment that vampires actually do exist. You have these ancient mythological creatures who prey on the weak and steal their blood, and yet this girl, Bella, manages to find one of the few good ones, living in a small, quiet town in Washington. His skin is disturbingly pale and he always appears to have a hangover. He even admits to her that his kind does, in fact, kill people. How does she not want to run away? That was Twilight. New Moon goes one further by adding werewolves into the mix. Now you not only have a family of peaceful vampires living in Forks, but human-friendly lycanthropes, as well. And, of course, both are vying for Bella’s attention. What are the odds? In all actuality, the poor girl would have been lunch meat!

Let’s not be naive. New Moon is not about werewolves or vampires. Like the previous film, it’s all about teen angst. There is not one happy character in this film. Jacob is mad because Bella loves Edward. Edward is troubled because he doesn’t want Bella’s soul to be damned, the price of being a vampire. And Bella? She’s torn between the two of them, while upset that her boyfriend left without biting her.

This boring romance, of course, is left uninterrupted by anything that would have made the story interesting. After Edward leaves, Bella sort of goes through an adrenaline kick. I say “sort of” because it practically gets put on the back-burner after being introduced. Another wasted opportunity is that the story neglects to have any kind of fun when Jacob starts going through canine puberty. It was just too sudden with not enough nearly enough hints. That must have been pushed aside so they can make room for 42 scenes of Bella screaming in her sleep! Now that I think about it, the story neglects to have any sort of fun at all!

Perhaps the most interesting part of the film is introduction of the Volturi clan, played by Dakota Fanning and Michael Sheen, appearing in his fourth vampire/werewolf rivalry flick. Both are extraordinarily creepy, which is a nice change of pace for the Twilight series since the rest of the characters are only unintentionally creepy. Like the rest of the movie, the scene is sporadically filled with moments of unintentional cheese, like a vision of Bella and Edward prancing along in the forest and the walking buffet at the end of the scene. Let us not forget a dialogue exchange that occurs earlier in the film in which everyone within the audience that has, at least, the tiniest bit of a dirty mind is rolling on the floor.

What I do manage to find intriguing about The Twilight Saga is the psyche of someone like Bella. What is it that she finds so attractive about monsters? Is it the bad boy image? If Jacob would put his shirt on, would she still notice him? Why does she always look bored? And most importantly, what monster will she fall in love with next? The Creature from the Black Lagoon? The Mummy? Predator? Better yet, will something actually happen in the next film?

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