I’m sure many of you remember when G.I. Joe was actually the male solution to Barbie. Instead of miniature hairbrushes, these dolls came with guns. Then a sudden resurgence took place in the early 80′s, when an action-oriented storyline was incorporated, chronicling the epic struggle between the “Real American Heroes” and the sinister Cobra Commandoes. There was even an animated series and, while it was far from sophisticated, I do feel a bit nostalgic just thinking about it.

The problem with G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is that it relies so much on nostalgia and goofy, over-the-top action sequences that it loses sight of more important things, like character development and comprehensible storylines. It’s a film that’s all about the accessories. Every time the camera lingered on a costume or gadget, I would almost hear the voice of an overwhelmingly ecstatic announcer from an 80s toy commercial.

Perhaps the most surprising component is the participation of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who is apparently taking a breather from his far superior independent roles to play a diabolical scientist. Incredibly underused, Levitt’s sole job in the film is to constantly remind the audience that his character was once a big part of their childhood. His backstory is an integral part of the story, and yet it comes and goes without the slightest bit of understanding towards the character. We see the events that led to his nefarious turn, yet we never understand his reasoning for it. It’s a shame, since the Cobra Commander is never allowed to be anything more than a weak villain with a squirmy voice.

Despite the transition into the live action world, G.I. Joe is still treated like an animated film. With high tech supersuits being used as justification for absurdity, the characters are able to jump really high, bounce off moving cars, and survive things they really shouldn’t. At one point, an explosion sends a car flying through the air. When it lands on the street, it rolls multiple times before finally stopping. No one could have survived the crash, and yet the two villains crawl out of the car, without limping and with barely any scratches to show for it. There was some blood on their faces, but they were far from paralyzed. Maybe if the wreck wasn’t so brutal, it might have been believable.

If you’re in your 20s and looking for a chance to re-connect with childhood memories and nothing else, you might actually find yourself enjoying it. But if you’re looking for something a bit more plausible, then look no further than the War section of your local video store.

Comment on this article by clicking here